Metaphors? Pshh, who needs them?

What is a metaphor, anyway? It's just a circuitous way of arriving at what you really could have said by pure exposition. It's so long-winded and unnecessary. Society would get along much more smoothly if people did away with all of this metaphorical doublespeak. Doublespeak is how the government controls you, anyway. Everyone should just say exactly what he or she means in the most precise terms possible.

You know, when you think about it, this duplicitous speech is really what launched Hitler and the Nazis into power. They told everyone they were going to kill the Jews, introduce a new world order, and have Aryan domination everywhere.... but noooo, no one believed them; they all dismissed it as pure hyperbole. And you know why that was? People had gotten so used to this metaphorical doublespeak, that's why. Face it, people... Metaphorical language killed the Jews.

Do you want to face another Holocaust? I didn't think so. You had better not use any damn metaphors then. As for me, the blood of innocents will most definitely not be on my hands. HAH! And there you are now, a fiend cackling with capricious delight! I'll have you yet! You all and your metaphors... SHEESH!